This post is actually a response to a post to a closed group that i am in on Facebook. Its a group talking about all the joys and struggles of being a stay at home mom.
I have read all these posts, its wonderful to read about the struggles all moms have. I am a stay at home mom to 3 children: Sophia- 6, Bella -4 and Brandtley 9 months.
It can be very frustrating to have to spend a day that you just want to enjoy by instead wrangling kids and soothing tantrums. Though I am not a preachers wife, i do tend to my kids during church. 3 of them, though i do have my husband to sit with me and help. (However, I get all 3 of them and myself ready alone, men are no help with that! ;) We are getting a routine for the older girls now, so they are usually pretty good during church. At ages 4 and 6, they know what i what i expect of them. I have a 9 month old baby boy though, so its hard to keep him amused during church some days. If he gets out of hand, thats when i take him to the nursery. The nursery is a ministry in itself, its people who volunteer to step in for you and take care of your children so that you can pay better attention to the message. I used to work in the nursery, now i use the nursery, and some day i will probably work in there again, to bless and help others as they have helped me. :) Trust me, when i work in the nursery, we are there to help you by watching your little ones! Most churches have a nursery, if yours does not, I would encourage you to gather some people together and start one up. All it takes is a room, a few toys and a few loving hearts!
Like I said, I am not a preachers wife, but am a doctor's wife. M-Thurs this is my typical day. I get up at 5:30 to feed the baby, starting packing a lunch for my 1st grader, start laundry, get my husbands shirt ironed before he leaves the house for work at 6:30 (he is a Chiropractor). Then i get the big girls up for school/preschool. Get them dressed, hair and teeth brushed, fed, make sure book bags are in order, get the baby dressed and pack him baby up in his seat, take the 1st grader to school, the 4 year old into preschool (that means even in pouring rain i have to walk her and the baby across a parking lot into the building, down 2 flights of stairs and down the hallway to wash her hands before she can go to her classroom. Then i take the baby home and clean for two hours before i go pick up the 4 yr old from preschool. Then we do lunch, more diaper changes, more cleaning, supper prep, laundry, and of course PLAYTIME! :) Then we all load up AGAIN in the van and head to pick up my oldest from school. Sometimes we stop by and see daddy at work for a half hour, then load back up and head home. Homework time (this is grueling, 1st grade homework is harder than i remember!! ) Making supper, usually the kids eat first. I then get the kids in the bath, read bedtime books or watch a show, get them all in bed by 7:30. My husband doesn't get home most days until after 6:30, some nights he lectures or has meetings, these nights not until after 8. Then my husband and i spend an hour or so together before bed talk and watching tv, depends. However, he fields after hour calls and sometimes has to run back to work to see emergency patients. Pretty much, every child that gets changed, bathed, dressed and fed I have done it. My husband works very long hours and does many outside of work activities to help grow his business to provide for our family. That is his job. Mine is to take care of these kids and run this household. This is my choice. I could go to work, and heck, most days i think it would be easier if i did! Some days i really do wonder if I can do this. Yes, its hard. But God Blessed me with these children, he gave them to ME because he knew i could do this.. even when i struggle with my own doubts. Some women never know the joy of a baby sleeping on their chest, they never hear 'love you mama' or get a song made up about how their mommy is their best friend. I literally grieve for those women who yearn to have children and cannot, and i know many.
One thing that got me through some times when i was struggling is perspective. I don't 'have to do this, have to do that' instead i GET to do this, i GET to do that. I know a young mother who died of cancer, leaving 3 young kids behind. I can't imagine the thoughts going through her mind of all the tedious things she knew she would no longer GET to do.. or HAVE to do for her kids. I bet she would have loved to run though a rainy parking lot with her little ones or endured a church crying spell. Sometimes looking at things from another's perspective is hard, because its not easy to remove ourselves from our own situation. But it can be helpful to me, maybe not every person, of course. But it has been helpful to me.
Lastly, I want to encourage anyone who has serious depression or anxiety that has been hanging around for a while to go talk to their doctor about taking an anti-depressant. I am not personally on one, though there was a time when i went and talked with my doctor about it. I know MANY mothers of young ones that take them for a few years until they feel as if they no longer need it. There is NO shame in taking something to help you live a happier life where you are not as overwhelmed or depressed. Why let yourself go down a dark path alone and unaided while you children watch. Pray about it. I know many people who took it for a year or two, then weaned themselves off it with no side effects. They resumed life as normal. It helped them endure and conquer a rough patch. If you have little quality left of your life and are so easily overwhelmed by daily tasks, maybe its time to talk to someone. Therapy can also be SOO helpful to those who suffer from this type of depression. I love discussing things like this with other moms. I love to listen to others and also express my own thoughts. I have heard everyone's frustrations over the daunting tasks of taking care of small children, but i challenge all of you to try and focus on the good also. Because when we focus on the negative, the negative creeps in and the Devil manipulates us even more. If you need a friend, I will be here for you. :)
Blessings to All!
Ashley
